Disclosure: I was given a copy of “Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old?” by author Joy Loverde for this review. However, all views and opinions are my own, and I was in no way influenced by the author. This post contains affiliate links.
I’m sure a lot of you know I’m getting divorced, so now at age 48, I am faced with realization that I may end up alone during my senior years. Frankly, the prospect of that terrifies me because I am ill prepared (literally!) for the life that’s ahead of me.
Because I’ve only worked part time for the past few years due to several chronic illnesses, I depended on my husband to save for us for retirement while most of the money I made was used to pay for my medical treatment, groceries and utilities. There just wasn’t money left over for savings, and there still isn’t.
So it is within that framework that I am writing this review for “Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old?” by author Joy Loverde. In the introduction, Joy lays out several goals for the book, which I’ll quote here:
- Real solutions for creating a support network
- Critical questions you don’t know to ask
- Strategies to foster smarter decision-making
- Alternative ways to think about old age
- Insights for end-of-life planning
- Accessibility to innovative products and services
The book includes the following chapters:
- Meet your future self | Discovering who you have yet to become
- Goodbye change, hello transition | Meeting the unknowns of old age head on
- Think like a strategist | Mastering critical thinking
- You are tougher than you look | Thriving in times of uncertainty
- The fierce urgency of money | Staying afloat financially
- Aging in place alone – What you need to know | Averting the risks of aging home alone
- Bring livability home | Establishing equity, health and safety for all
- Moving on | Determining optimal housing options
- The broken hearts club | Accepting relationships as moving targets
- Zero isolation | Foraging for family
- Pets are family, too | Adopting a pet for two-way love and caring
- Doctor me | Reframing sickness and health
- Chronic illness – The game changer | Repairing holes in your safety net
- Early onset Alzheimer’s – The value of knowing | Preparing for the day you hope will never come
- “Just shoot me” is not a plan | Learning lessons from the dying
- Places to go and things to do | Facing to be and not to be
- Cross it off your list
The back of the book includes:
- Worksheets and checklists
- Recommended websites
- Recommended reading
- Recommended movies
- Recommended YouTube
- Recommended television series
- Recommended songs
- Gratitudes
- Notes and index
- Author bio
A few of the topics covered in the book include:
- How to make friends later in life and create a support network
- How to make your home age-friendly and learn about alternate housing options
- What to ask professionals who work in the aging industry
- How to bring organization to your important papers like medical records, loan documents, bank statements, etc.
- How to locate legal and financial advisors
- How to connect with certified “aging-in-place” professionals
- Advice for navigating widowhood after a spouse has passed away
- Tips for dealing with an Alzheimer’s/dementia diagnosis
- Advice for pre-planning your funeral/burial
- And so, so much more.
My review
Through surveys, I’ve learned more than 90% of my readers here on FedUpWithFatigue.com are ages 45 and older. I approached Joy about writing a review because I thought the topic of her book is a perfect fit for Fed Up readers since so many of you are seniors or soon-to-be seniors.
In my opinion, “Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old?” isn’t a book that you read once and then donate to your local charity shop. Joy’s book is really a reference manual for getting older and how to navigate the potential pitfalls of the golden years. It’s a resource I think many of us will reach for again and again.
No matter what you choose, the purpose of this book is to get you ready for old age and help you put your own plans in place so you can live as you want, for as long as possible.
Joy LoverDe, Author of “Who will take care of me when I’m old” and “the complete eldercare planner”
There is an old adage: Those who fail to plan plan to fail. I wish I had encountered a book like this when I was in my 20s and 30s … when I still had decades to plan for retirement. Alas, I didn’t understand the importance of the many lessons contained within this book, so now I’m almost 50 years old and scrambling to figure out how I’m going to live in my older years. I know there are thousands of you out there in the same predicament.
So for my younger readers, find a copy of this book and start implementing the material immediately! You will thank Joy when you’re in your 70s and living large in a retirement resort down in the Florida panhandle playing pickleball and lunching with the ladies.
I love that each chapter of “Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old?” starts with a list of objectives, so you can decide if that particular material is applicable to your life.
But by far, my favorite feature of the book are the lists of “Insights and Inspiration” at the end of each chapter. These lists stimulate continued learning and reading. “These are books, movies, songs and TED Talks that go beyond the resources offered within each chapter,” explains Joy. “I’ve shared these with you to offer other perspectives and fresh takes on each chapter’s theme.”
I also like that Joy includes questions and activities throughout the book to inspire deeper thinking about each chapter’s material. “Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old?” is definitely not a book that a traditional book club would select. However, I can envision small groups meeting once or twice a month to discuss and work through each chapter and its exercises.
If any of you are interested in doing that, I could set up a Facebook group for that purpose, and we could tackle a chapter every week or two. Just let me know in the comments section if that’s something you guys would be interested in.
I love that most of the chapters are very practical. For example, the “Bring Livability Home” chapter focuses on how to improve the safety and functionality of your home as you age. Some of the advice is common sense, but sometimes it’s helpful to get that little push to finally make a change.
“After every one of my keynote presentations, people approach me and express how worried and afraid they are about aging alone in old age. I am in the same boat, but when I think about the old people in my life who are aging alone, and how they know themselves inside and out, and how they flaunt their unshakable confidence when making important decisions, I believe that in my old age, I will have what they have – but it is up to me to put in the effort now.”
Joy Loverde, author of “Who will take care of me when I’m old?” and “the complete eldercare planner”
There are three entire chapters dedicated to health and managing chronic illnesses. She gives tips for finding quality doctors and navigating the complexity of the healthcare system. The chronic illness chapter includes steps on how to transition from full-time work to disability.
In the back of the book, there is the “Cross It Off Your List” section where she includes the action steps from each chapter in a to-do list format, so you can keep track of what you’ve done and what you still need to do.
Also in the back of the book is a list of websites divided by chapter along with references and a handy index.
And finally, I want mention “Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old?” is available as an audiobook. I know that’s important for some of my readers who struggle with their ability to focus and reading comprehension. I actually fall into that category, so I ended up buying the audiobook but I will keep the hardcopy as a reference.
Books from Joy Loverde
You can find both of Joy’s books on Amazon:
“Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old?”
I’ve also added both books to my list of favorite Amazon products.
More from Joy Loverde
Age in Place | Move or Stay Put? (YouTube video, 38 minutes)
An interview with Joy Loverde from the Women Over 70 YouTube channel (YouTube video, 28 minutes)
The Unique Needs of the Older Caregiver – A 6-part podcast by Joy Loverde
Who Will Take Care of You When You Are Older? (audio, 28 minutes) – An interview with Joy Loverde from the Retirement Wisdom podcast
An interview with authors Sara Connell & Joy Loverde (article) from Thrive Global
I’m Donna, a longtime newspaper reporter, health writer and chronic illness thriver! Fed Up with Fatigue provides weekly news, research, treatments and more to help you live better with fibromyalgia and/or Lyme.
I’m sure you didn’t expect a bloke here, however, I’m a husband behind his chronically ill wife who has fibromyalgia and stage IV deep infiltrating endometriosis. Both illnesses make her feel like a burden to me, impacting her emotionally, psychologically, mentally, but also socially and financially.
She suffers from general anxiety, panic attacks, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and depression which lead her to have suicidal thoughts from time to time. What keeps her going, however, is me. I am the light in the darkness and we face all the challenges together, despite lack of sex life and not having kids.
Long story short, aside from trying to commit suicide on a few occasions in the past, M also asked me on four separate occasions to divorce her (as she said) for my own sake.
I never did. It never even went through my mind.
I always thought that it is not me who suffers, it is her. Even though I will never be able to fully understand what she’s going through, as I am not a woman and I don’t suffer from endometriosis and fibromyalgia, I know that I will never abandon her.
This book asks the right question – who will take care of me when I’m old?
The fibromyalgia divorce rate may be as high as 75%, but I will never abandon my wife. I began to educate myself and changed my approach to her support rather than trying to “fix” my wife’s health, which I never will.
I even created a blog for male partners of chronically ill women, because there is a ton of blogs on the subject of chronic illness from people and for people who suffer, but the voices of those who support them aren’t heard. This is why marriages break, relationships fall apart. It is the lack of understanding of healthy partners and of knowing how to help.
Besides, for every chronically ill person, there is an army of partners who support them. Not knowing what we feel, as most men don’t show it, is the reason for the high chronic illness divorce rate.
I hope you found this comment helpful, The author of FedUpWithFatigue does a great job here, thank you!
Hi Donna, I am a Donna too! Neither me nor my husband were too worried about my future needs because our son (our only child) has always been there at the drop of a hat for me – except – my loving and amazing son died in a car accident the year before my husband. My husband was sick for around 20 years with little income so we hadn’t saved much money either. I retired in 2018 to help my son with some things, spend more time with my husband and do some care taking for my Mom who lived in assisted living because of dementia. My son died a month after i retired. After my husband died I had planned to go back to work but because of Covid I pulled my Mom from assisted living and we decided to live together with her moving out of assisted living permanently. So there went my idea of going back to work especially because she should no longer be alone. I have my Mom, my brother (who has tons of medical issues) and my sister who has her own large family and that’s it. Because of taking care of my husband for all those years I have no close friends. And now the big clincher is that I am most likely on the dementia path also. I have not yet been medically evaluated but have started searching to have neuropsych testing and an appointment with a neurologist. So, no family or friends to help me out, not much money to hire caretakers or live in a nice facility and eventually won’t know what I am doing. Yes, I am pretty much flipping out!! And I saw the chapter titled – just shoot me – well darn, that was pretty much my plan! So, yes, I will be buying the book and I am interested in being a participant in a learning group.
Oh Donna, I am so sorry for all that you are dealing with especially the loss of your son and husband. You are shouldering so much. I’ll keep you updated if it looks like we have enough people who are interested in working through the book.
Thanks Donna. I hope we do get enough interest. My book arrived a couple days ago. Although I haven’t read it yet I can see it is PACKED with information! Thanks again.
I would be interested in the Facebook book group too! Please let me know if you start it!
I would be interested in participating in reading this book and discussing it in a group. I have actually gone through a situation similar to you in that I am just recently divorced after 35 years and don’t have very much at all saved for retirement. I am scared and alone and concerned for my future.